Monday, November 21, 2005

10 Years After

Think about where you were 10 years ago.

Mentally, what kind of place were you in then?

I started contemplating where I'd be now if my life had continued in the same wrong direction it was heading 10 years ago. It's really something to think about.

You get to a point in your life when you're faced with a decision, however buried and unrecognized it might be. You may not consciously realize you're faced with it, but there it is, nonetheless, in front of you, and you're forced to make a decision and to be indecisive no more.

I realize now how deeply thankful I am that I took the path I did, though I don't know how or why I did it. Did I catch a brief glimpse of how my so-called life might be in the years to come?

Possibly, in a dream that I didn't and still don't remember.

Had I stayed on that path, the one that I so painstakingly erected to be my destined future - I'd be a completely different person with a completely different life. Maybe I would no longer have a life, maybe I would've taken it years ago not wanting to sustain anymore of the hell I subjected myself to.

Or maybe I'd be like the walking dead, with my soul dried up and isolated inside, but smiling like everything was OK on the outside...and living my so-called "life".

But I'm not isolated.

My soul is not dried up.

I'm not the walking dead.

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I---I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." ~Robert Frost

It's made all the fucking difference.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

'A Million Little Pieces', the book

I finished reading A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.

What an awesome book.

The author is perfection as he carries you through his gut wrenching ordeal of getting and staying clean.

I highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with or has dealt with an Alcoholic or Addict in their lives.

Excellent. Read it.

ETA at a later date:
True or fabricated, it was still a great book.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Yeah...I'm Glowing

I'm carrying my husband and the love of my life's second child. It's been a long time since I was "with child", so in certain ways it's like going through it for the first time. In others, I feel like an old pro, like I could do it now with my eyes closed.

5 long years we waited for this, and what a blessing. Pretty much as soon as we were certain it was time, BOOM, the Fertility Fairy dropped a load of Fertility Dust on us (so to speak).

I had my share of epiphanies about life when I found out I was pregnant with my first. It having been 2 weeks after the deaths of both my grandmas, it was like God smacked me in the face and said, HEY! Life goes on! No time for wallowing here.

But it's different now.

Here I am, with a beautiful man as my husband of 5 years and a marriage (Thank God) as strong as I could ever imagine. We have together an incredible little girl, and although she looks a lot like Dadda, she's got her Mama's sass and tough ass attitude. I have an unbelievably supportive circle of family and close friends, there through the thick of it all, and still there when I'm a raving lunatic.

My parents have been more supportive than any others that I know, even when it's not in that conventional sorta way. My friends, my REAL friends, have been there in the ways that mattered the most at any given time. You (hopefully) know who you are.

How do I say thank you to a husband and best friend that is my strength, a man who stands up for what he believes in and doesn't let anyone change his mind, a man who will fight against what he believes to be unjust, no matter what the case or who it be against, a man who is just simply f*cking fantastic?

I love you. Thank you for sharing the same dream with me for our daughter, to have it better than we did in a lot of ways.